your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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