I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
