I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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