it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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