In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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