wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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