the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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