At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it because I queefed?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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