So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
