I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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