He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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