i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
