Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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