i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
