I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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