Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
