and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When are your genitals available?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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