the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
