Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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