I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize