i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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