i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
