I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
