Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They have beer where we have blood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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