THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
