Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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