My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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