I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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