i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
