Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
