I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
pop tarts are not kleenex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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