Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
