you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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