I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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