Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
