did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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