He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
