i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.