i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
