I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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