Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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