Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
