apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
