This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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