my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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