Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize