Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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