i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
