I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
