I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
