Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
