Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
