If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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