And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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