Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
