omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
