she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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