Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
