Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
