he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
