Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you win again, gameday.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
