We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
