Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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