it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
