My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
