Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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