Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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