Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
