Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
