I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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