Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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