I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
