It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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