If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
