dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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