I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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