the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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