Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
