So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
