My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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