she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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