i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
